Book Review: Long Black Veil by Jennifer Finney Boylan

I've been reading a lot of trans- related books of late.  However, I have not reviewed them here.  It's not that they weren't worth it- I just... haven't.

Luna. Dress Codes, If I Was Your Girl, This is How it's Always Been...

However, this one hit me hard, for various reasons.  The fact that it was written by my dear friend, the incredible Professor Jennifer Finney Boylan, is a bonus.

If you read this blog and don't know who she is, shame on you!  ;)  Click here for a bio and stuff, and HERE for a something I wrote about her.

Long Black Veil is Jenny's first work of fiction in twenty years.  It is a mystery/thriller, set both around the Philadelphia area and in Maine.

I've sold many copies of this book already.  How?  I describe it thusly:

Six college friends enter the old Eastern State Penitentiary in 1980.  They get locked in.  Are they alone?  Only five come out- one has disappeared.  Over thirty years later, a body is found in the prison.  Whodunnit?

It's also a meditation on Secrets.  We all have them.  As Jenny has said often (paraphrasing) the biggest change in Coming Out wasn't changing gender, but from being someone WITH a big secret to being someone WITHOUT a big secret.  And. she is absolutely correct.  There is one more theme.  I'll get to that.

Everyone in this book has a secret.  True, some are bigger than others- but all play a role.  And that's another wonderful facet- all of the characters, major and minor, are all fully realized.  They are all people.  Are there stock characters anywhere?  Yes- filling in the edges.  But in the book you meet such characters as Backflip Bob (from Boston!), Herr Krystal, Wailer, and many more.  And have google ready, as here there be Art History- and it means something!

After all, Paintings do speak, right?

What about trans issues?  Is there a trans character?  Well, take a close look at the cover.  The top and bottom.  The very faint pink at the top and the baby blue at the bottom.  The colors of the Trans flag. Think there may be some trans stuff?

At Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church, at Jenny's signing for this book

One passage absolutely floored me.    I quote:

I thought about it, but at this point all I could feel was exhaustion with her, with the whole teeming world of people who are not transgender, with their endless questions and interrogations.  Enough already.  I'm sorry, but I have to ask:  What is wrong with you people?  Does a human soul really require an explanation before she can be deemed worthy of human kindness?  Does compassion for one's fellow humans really demand a test first?

So incredibly True.  That's the point, isn't it?  Why can't people just Accept us for who we are?  Why do they demonize us, hunt us, kill us?  Why do they try to legislate us out of existence?

Sorry.  Derailed myself for a second.

I mentioned another theme.  It's something I am still contemplating.  I quote Jenny:


The question posed by the book is, how to we connect those two halves of our lives, so we don't wind up traumatized, as people living two lives instead of one, as people who are whole, with a full history that includes both before AND after?... 

Everyone I know has a before and an after of some kind.  It's the nature of being alive.  If you DON'T have an experience so profound it's hard to get over--whether its really good or really bad-- it's kind of like nothing ever happened to you.  And who would want that life?


I think about MY befores and afters.  (Hell, I wrote about the topic HERE)

As I read the book, I messaged with Jenny about my thoughts.  She was kind enough to discuss some points with me, and listened to me prattle on with my ideas.  I mentioned how familiar the characters seemed, and she replied "Everyone in this book is me."

And they are.  As with all great writers, the characters populating the story are facets of the writer's soul.  I see it in my fiction.  I see it in every book I read.  It is an inescapable Truth that we can only Truly write about what we Know, and so all characters will be a part of the writer.  And characters ARE the story.  One can put characters in the most foreign science fiction landscape or distant past event- it doesn't matter.  Stories are about the characters.  Without them, there is nothing.  This is why people like certain authors- those authors speak to their soul through their words and characters.

After all, Books do speak, right?

In Long Black Veil, Jennifer Finney Boylan spoke to my soul.  I finished the book a couple weeks ago, and I'm still pondering its message.  It haunts me.

It's a fun ride- a worthy ride... a book I recommend very highly.

Go to your local Brick and Mortar bookstore and buy it!

Eastern State Penitentiary

Book Review: "Tr**ny" by Laura Jane Grace

Veteran readers of this blog know that occasionally I do book reviews.  I don't review EVERY trans-related book I read, but some of them scream to be discussed.

One such book is Tr**ny by Laura Jane Grace.  Ms. Grace is the lead singer of the punk group Against Me.  She came out as Transgender in May 2012 in a VERY public way- on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine.  And unlike a certain trans celebrity, she has been an amazing positive voice for the Trans community.

A little background may be in order.  I was introduced to Punk music in the 80s.  Sex Pistols, Black Flag, Ramones, Misfits... that sort of thing.  In the short time I attended Drexel University, I went to South Street many times, as back then it was punk heaven, with stores such as "Zipperhead," "Trash and Vaudeville," and "Philadelphia Record Exchange."  I even managed to get into JC Dobbs once in a while.  This was back when the Music mattered- and all that mattered was the Music.

Oh, and I worked at something called a "Record Store."  If you don't know what that is, ask your parents.

Punk appeals to the Anger in me- the sense of Outrage.  At the inequity of the world.  At Injustice.  But mostly at the fact that I was born- and that I was born Different.  It was cathartic.  I still listen to Punk- the Punk I know anyway.

In the early to mid 90s, the music started leaving me behind.  It all started sounding the same.  The Revolution started by the grunge bands was sanitized, especially by Stone Temple Pilots.  (Nirvana is popular?  STP sounded like them.  Pearl Jam is hot right now?  STP sounds just like them.  Ad nauseum.)  The last "new" music I picked up was Green Day Dookie.  Yeah, really.

Fast forward to 2012.  Ms Grace came out Very publicly.  By that time, my True self had reawakened and I was on the road to transition, even if I dared not admit it.  I'd never heard of Against Me.  But I was so glad for Ms Grace.  Even a little jealous.  After all, she was living her Truth, and, as a "rock star," could easily afford to transition.  Or so I thought.

Laura Jane Grace

Photo credit: http://www.altpress.com/news/entry/against_mes_laura_jane_grace_to_release_memoir_tranny

Fast forward again to Now.  Laura Jane Grace released her book.  Even the title is controversial.  Let's face it- the title is a slur.  She said "It's almost mentally taxing to look at my book in ways, but it captures a lot of what the book is about. And a lot of what the book is about is internalized transphobia and self-hate and that's an experience that I had and I went through."

Right.  I saw the book when it came in, and bought it with my next pay check.

Ok, so the review.

I read a LOT of music memoirs, biographies, etc.  Some are the same old sex and drugs and rock and roll.  Some rise above that to become something Special.  Three come to mind immediately:  Bob Dylan, Keith Richards, and Bruce Springsteen.  Make that Four.  Really.

Does Tr*nny have sex, drugs, and rock and roll?  Yes, of course.  And it has the requisite "struggling band lives in a van/bus/car" as well.  What makes this different- what sets this apart?  History.  Ms. Grace has kept journals for many years, and in those journals, she has been brutally honest.

And, I'm sure her words echoed in the minds of SO many of us.

Examples:

I tell myself every time that it's the last time.  I swear, just this one last time and then never again.


Cross-dressing feels like
self-mutilation.
I can never be anything more than a pervert dressed up in women's clothes.
So sick, sick, sick.
I want to black it all out.
I do not care if i am alive or dead.


Where are you supposed to go when you no longer feel welcome in the places you turned to because you didn't feel welcome anywhere else?

All of these, and many like them, hit me like a shot to the heart.  I felt physically hurt.  I KNOW those feelings.  I've lived them.  So many of us have.

However, a little later in the book, Ms. Grace completely tore out my heart.

I've had that conversation with my daughter.  And every year for Christmas, she asks Santa "I want my daddy to come home."

There is no Pain like it in the world- the pain of a child who just wants her world not to change.  All she wants is her daddy- and you can't give that to her.  Because daddy is dead.  Daddy was a shell- a poison killing the Soul.

Ms. Grace dealt with Pain through substance abuse and through her music.  And one day, when her male world was disintegrating around her, she finally made the only choice that she could make if she wanted to survive- to Transition.

But it is never easy- her band was all but gone.  She kept touring as her only form of income, but the cost of transition was far out of reach.  She did it anyway.  I understand completely.

The book tore my soul to pieces.  And, 3/4 through it, I wondered- here I was exploring the intense Pain of this woman's psyche, and I didn't know her music.  I knew what drove it- I knew its Source.  I felt like I was not getting the whole story.  So, I saved my pennies and bought Against Me's Transgender Dysphoria Blues.  

That was a month ago.  It has lived in my car's CD player since.

THIS... THIS...  This is what the Music used to mean to me.  Raw.  Powerful.  The Howl of a Soul who wanted- Needed to be heard.  Songs that spoke to not just my mind, but to my heart and hips.  THIS is the Punk rock I remember from that long ago day when I first heard the opening chords of Never Mind the Bollocks by the Sex Pistols.  When I heard Joey Ramone's sneering voice.  Patti Smith half speaking "Jesus died for somebody's sins but not mine."

The Music of my Anger- of the Pain I felt from being born Wrong.  The Outrage of a Life that should have been.

You want them to notice,
The ragged ends of your summer dress.
You want them to see you
Like they see every other girl.
They just see a faggot.
They'll hold their breath not to catch the sick.

-Transgender Dysphoria Blues

But even if your love was unconditional

It still wouldn't be enough to save me

-Unconditional Love

NOW I understood the book in a new way- a more complete way.

So.  Obviously, I loved this book.  It is not for the Timid.  Ms. Grace's prose writing style is as raw as her music.  An exposed nerve.

For my cisgender readers, if you want to know what being Trans does to a person's soul- especially when one has to deny it for so long- then THIS is the book you need.

For my Trans readers- get past the title, and read this.  Share in our sister's Pain and Triumph.  Because that's what this book (and CD) is: a Triumph.

I'm going to save my pennies and buy more of her music.  She has restored my faith in it.


Against Me is currently on tour.  The closest they will come to me in Philly is Washington DC.  Maybe next time.  My dear friend Amanda Farren saw them, and even met Ms. Grace.  She said they are amazing in concert- and she is a woman whose opinion I trust.

Ms. Grace- Thank you for your music, your writing, and for being You.

Seriously.  Thank you.

Book Review: Becoming Nicole

Becoming Nicole by Amy Ellis Nutt was released in late October of 2015 with some media appearances and interviews.  The New York Times and Time Magazine gave the book a good review, and hopefully it has experienced some sales.  The author won a Pulitzer Prize with the Washington Post, and had complete access to the Maines family for the book.

In this book, the Journey is the story.

Here we have a contemporary microcosm of the Trans movement.  A child knows she is trans.  Her identical twin brother is first to acknowledge her.  her father, a right wing republican doesn't wish to accept this, but the mother does.  Compromises are made.  The father has a dream of raising two boys to be Men like he is, and can't let that go, despite all evidence to the contrary.  However, Nicole's classmates accept her as a girl.  Children are taught hate- they don't experience it naturally.

And there IS hate.  A "Christian" group gets involved and battle lines are drawn.  The family is forced to leave town.  But, justice eventually prevails in a small arena, which may help nationally.

This story has played over and over, with small variation, throughout the country.  The only difference is that this time, the Transperson won.  Her father came around to accepting his child as a daughter, and fought FOR her... hard.

Nicole was able to get hormone treatment early, so she doesn't look like many transwomen of earlier generations.  She looks like a young woman.  She has had her surgery (from a doctor near me, actually.)  If it weren't for all of the media circus, she could easily go stealth.

But what does it mean to a TG?

It means that we ARE winning, if slowly.  It means that the sacrifices of my generation and earlier are bearing fruit.  Nicole is one of the lucky ones.  She will never have the agony of growing up male.  And she is Strong, as are her whole family.

I'll admit- I'm a bit jealous.  She had resources at her disposal that I didn't, and is a beautiful young woman.  She was socialized female.  But in the end, that's all spilt milk.  Our lives are what we make them.  Lemonade and all that.

I've had the pleasure of meeting both Nicole and her father at two different Keystone Conferences.  They are both incredible speakers.  I remember that after Keystone 2014, I was scared out of my wits by the possibility of a right winger keeping me from my daughter for "her sake."


So.  The book.  It's well written, and due to the access that the author had, one really feels like they are part of the story.  The reader sees the conflict in the father, and rejoices when he defends his daughter.  I was so angry at the bully grandfather that I wanted to send him hate mail.

How good is this book?  I going to bring them a copy of it so they can understand just a little more.

With Nicole Maines at Keystone 2015

So.  If you are trans, I'd say that this is a must read.  Same if someone you love is trans.

Yes, it's that good.

Maybe we should send copies to the GOP candidates?

Book Reviews: "George" and "Gracefully Grayson"

I recently finished two books back to back.  Both were about Trans people, and both were for children of various ages.  As they are similar, but not the same, I will review them together.

****************************************************

The first to be released chronologically was Gracefully Grayson, which was written by Ami Polonsky.  A quick google search took me to her website.  She is a teacher who decided to write a "middle age" book.  She is cisgender.  I'll come back to this.  This is her first published book, and it's aimed at a middle school audience.

Grayson is a sixth grader in Chicago.  As can be easily guessed, she is trans (I will refer to Grayson as female in this review because I think she'd prefer that.)  However, like so many of us at her age, we hide it.  Desperately.  Grayson lives with her aunt, uncle and their two children, making her the middle child.  Her parents died in a car accident when she was four.  This adds to her detachment from others, but has other significance as well.

The school is holding a play about the myth of Persephone and Hades.  Grayson is encouraged to try out by his humanities teacher, who plays the role of the "supportive adult who seems to know what's going on" that many of us wish we had.  Grayson decided she wants to play the female lead, and that's when it all goes to hell.

Of course, she gets the role- after all, aren't all TGs in hiding truly the best actors/actresses?  This ignites controversy within the school and without.  Ms Polonsky seems to have done her homework, as the people against Grayson having the role cite the usual reasons why she shouldn't.  This, of course, includes blaming/ investigating the teacher, "he'll be bullied," etc.

And of course, there ARE bullies.  There are always bullies.  There will always BE bullies.

Fortunately, Grayson also finds friends.  As is typical of early middle school, some of the friendships are shallow, and others are not.  Ms Polonsky is a middle school teacher and has an eye for behaviors, so reading these bits brought back memories of my own middle school years.  Don't worry, Ms Polonsky, I forgive you for that!  ;)  In any case, the characters should resonate very well with the intended audience.

So- does Grayson actually play Persephone?  Do the bullies finally get their chance at perpetrating their first hate crime?  What happens to the helpful teacher?

Well, I'm not going to say, as it would give things away.  That said, it's a young adult novel, so older readers, especially trans ones, should be able to figure out those answers quite quickly.  And also the repercussions of those answers.  Why?  Because we've lived them.

The ending seems a bit rushed, and maybe just a little unsatisfying.  I like to think of it as a happy ending, but, as I know the challenges that Grayson has yet to face, I wonder if it would be.  That said, I'm a bit jaded.  For the intended audience, it IS a happy ending.

I must say I REALLY enjoyed this book.  I identified with Grayson quickly, and many of the characters in the book could have attended my junior high school all those many years ago.  The pacing is a touch uneven here and there, but that doesn't detract from the read.  What impresses me most is Ms. Polonsky's method of introducing so many of the obstacles that TGs face in a way that the intended audience can understand and appreciate.  Is it simplified?  A bit, of course, but the core issues are there, and explored.  This is a wonderful read for teens and adults.  I recommend it as an easy way to introduce Adults to the issues we as TGs face, as it provides examples to which everyone can relate.

Gratuitous Sophie pic used to separate the two reviews.  

George is by Alex Gino, and was published in 2015.  Alex Gino is genderqueer, and is from New York.  They graduated from the University of Pennsylvania, has been an activist for the past twenty years, and George is their first published book.  A coworker told me about this book a day or so after the store received it, and I bought it immediately.  As my Daughter is eight, I wanted to see if this was something that could possibly help her see how I felt growing up trans.

George is for a younger audience, starting around eight years old.  One of the first things that strikes the reader is that Gino refers to the main character with female pronouns from the start, and exclusively.  An interesting tactic, as the reader instantly sees George as a female, despite everyone else saying differently.  I remember smiling and nodding when I first encountered the pronouns.  Simple.  Effective.  Brilliant.  I wish I'd thought of it. George quickly introduces her other name: Melissa, and it is as Melissa that I shall refer to her for the rest of this review.

Melissa lives with her parents and older brother, and, unlike Grayson, has a female friend who she's known a very long time.  Melissa is trans (obviously) and is keeping that secret as most of us do.  She is in fourth grade. Where Grayson wears towels and oversized shirts to simulate hair and dresses, Melissa does neither.   She reads Girls' teen magazines and wishes she were one of the girls pictured.

As in Gracefully Grayson (henceforth GG for this review), an opportunity presents itself to show herself as her true self in the form of a play, in this case Charlotte's Web.  There are try outs, but, being an "all inclusive" class thing, everyone has a part to play.  Melissa wants to play Charlotte, but, being biologically male, doesn't get the part.  The part goes to his best friend, Kelly.

Kelly is the type of girl we all wished to have as a friend.  She's fun, unpredictable, and loyal.    She hatches an idea- have Melissa replace her as Charlotte in the final performance of the play.

As always, there are obstacles.  As this book is for younger readers, they aren't as fearsome as in GG.  There are adults who just can't/won't see the Truth of Melissa's gender.  And, of course, there are bullies.  In this case, one of them is a former friend, and that adds just another twist of the knife, so to speak.

As the book moves on, Melissa grows as a girl, gaining confidence.  Kelly helps her in this, as she knows Melissa's secret.  In many ways, Melissa's growth is similar to many TGs during those first steps of realizing their Truth.  I wish I could've had a Kelly back in my youth, but in many ways, I HAVE had a "Kelly" later in life in the form of all my mentors, especially my "Big Sister" Mel.

Will Melissa and Kelly be able to pull off "the Switch."  What will the consequences be?  Will Melissa ever get to be herself?  Once again, I'm not saying.

George is a pleasant read, even for adults, but may be too simplistic to use for outreach purposes.  For the intended audience of late elementary school, it's a wonderful introduction into who TGs are, and how we feel.  In a more general sense, it applies to people who are different in ANY way.  Alex manages to make their points in a simple and universal way, and that way is quite effective.  I enjoyed this book as well, and will be giving it to my Daughter soon, but not when MIL is around.


I found the fact that both books used Theater as a method of discovery and exploration of identity interesting.  As I wrote above, TGs are consummate actors/actresses.  We have to be, if we are to keep our secrets.  I've read in several places that acting is a way to explore ones own soul- to get to the truth of the character one must find the truth of themselves.  Well, as I've written many times, we TGs Do know our truths... if we choose to face them.  The use of theater to "cushion the transition" of identities in public makes for an interesting metaphor.  If we, as TGs aren't accepted face value, and usually we aren't, (see: Wing, Right) the idea of baring one's true self has great appeal.  Of course, Shakespeare used male actors exclusively for all roles, including female ones, so there IS historical precedent.

Another commonality between the books are the Bullies.  We all face them, whatever our age (again, see: Wing, Right.)  My own bullies when I was younger were the typical physical ones with their taunts and beatings.  I shudder to think how bad it would've been if my Truth had been known back then.  The bullies in GG and George are of different intensities, as the books are for different audiences.  In both books, there are the expected taunts, and each has its own twist to the bullies.  And in both books, the bullies do some damage, especially in GG.  I think about how bullies have changed over time.  The bullies of childhood now have new weapons in their arsenals as they have the internet and social media.  In many areas, older bullies may be armed.  When I was growing up, if an adult saw a kid being beaten, they usually stepped in to end the fight.  Phone calls to parents were made.  Not so today- everyone is too afraid of being sued.  The bullies of GG were more real to me because they WERE physical, like mine were.  I hated seeing them on the page, but I understood their role in the story.  In both stories, actually.

The last commonality I'll comment upon is that of the "female friend/ mentor."  In George, Kelly is obviously the mentor and enabler.  She helps Melissa discover herself and allows her to blossom. In GG, the role belongs to Paige, the older student and "star actress of the school" who takes Grayson under her wing and nurtures her.  Kelly's role is far more involved and hand on, while Paige is more subtle, as is appropriate for the target audiences of the books.  As I mentioned above, these girls mirror the mentors most TGs find when they finally find the courage to stretch their wings and leave the safety of their seclusion.  I found mentors my first night out as Sophie, in my dear friends Jone and Jennifer.  Soon after, my "Big Sister" Mel entered my life, as did many others, thanks to the Renaissance support group and various TG gatherings in my area.

I mentioned above that Ami Polonsky is a cisgender woman, and Alex Gino is genderqueer.  Does this have a bearing on their books?  I'd say yes.

Ms. Polonsky, as I wrote above, has obviously done her homework.  She knows what challenges TGs face,  and writes about them intelligently.  Being a woman, she understands the feminine point of view, and for this reason, Grayson is imbued with an easy femininity.

As Alex Gino is genderqueer, and an activist, they understand instinctively how it feels to BE that outsider in a way a cisgender person can never understand.  George overflows with that feeling of "otherness" that so many TGs live every day, and Melissa has that awkwardness that is so very familiar to us.

Does this mean one author is in some way superior to the other?  Am I saying that a cisgender person can't write about trans topics because they just "don't get it?"  Absolutely not, and Ms. Polonsky proves that conclusively.  Both points of view have merit, and the topic needs to be explored from both.

I'll conclude by saying that both books are wonderful, and I hope other books will join them soon on the shelves.  I recommend them both highly.