End/Beginning

Today was an end of a chapter in my life.  A new beginning.  What was that song line?  "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  

With Dr. Osborne last week

Anyway... today was my last therapy appointment with Dr. Maureen Osborne.  She is retiring with her husband to a place she has always loved.  It's a dream come true for her.

Her accomplishments are too many to be listed here.  How many people has she helped?  Hundreds?  Thousands?  Who knows... I don't think even she does.  Because she doesn't look at the numbers.  She takes people as they come- one at a time.  As a good therapist should.

I started seeing her in 2009.  It was just after I re-emerged and I wanted help.  I wanted to know how "deep" the femininity ran in me... and what could be done about it.  I already knew that there would be no cure.  If I couldn't face it down after over twenty years of suppressing it, then it wasn't going away.

I was at a Renaissance meeting and the conversation turned to therapists.  My dear friend, the beautiful Vanessa, told me she was seeing Dr. Osborne, who was a specialist in TG issues.  I asked her for the number.  She texted it to me the next day.  And the Monday after, I called to set up an appointment.

Dr. Osborne and some drunkard.  Keystone 2012

I remember the first meeting.  I was so scared!  I went in, determined I was going to face this issue no matter how painful it would be.  Dr. Osborne listened to my story, and asked what I wanted.  I told her I wanted answers.  I wanted to know who I was.  And so began our journey together.

It hasn't always been easy.  I'm not any easy person to get on with.  I'm opinionated, and was, at the time, angry at the world.  But Dr. Osborne was a wonder.  She was caring, and knew when to use "tough love" and administer much needed verbal butt-kickings.  She also introduced me to my wonderful "Big Sister" Mel, who was far blunter, but had been where I was.

Under Dr. Osborne's care, I realized who I really am, and I knew what I had to do.  And she guided me through the steps.  How many others had she seen through this process?  She knew exactly what needed to be done.  Now I am a woman full time.  My anger has vanished.  So many people remark on how different I am now then I was before I transitioned.

And today, that partnership ended.  She moves on, to a new phase in her life.  As do I.  I will need to find another therapist.  I think I have, but it won't be the same.  That doesn't mean it won't be good, but... well there's six years of hard work and history...

 Before I left her I thanked her for her help.  And smiled weakly.  Then I headed down the hall, down the steps, and out into the cold sunny day.  To my car.  Where I cried my eyes out.  I am surprised I was able to hold it in as long as I did.  But I didn't want to cry in front of her.  I didn't want to put a negative tone to our last session.

And So it's over.  I'll see her at Keystone this year, maybe even buy her a drink.  But I am no longer her patient.

Words can't express the depth of the gratitude I have for her.  Or the respect I have for Dr. Osborne.  I would not be where I am today without her.  I would not be Alive today without her.  The Darkness would've claimed me by now, I am sure.


So here, in the only way I know how, I want to thank her, publicly.

Thank you, Maureen.  You are a Godsend.  I wish you a long pleasant life in retirement.  You've earned it.